Happy 18th Anniversary, Baby!
I love you more now than ever. We've been married 18 years! Woo-hoo! We've been friends for 23 years! I share this with you to further express my devotion to you and to let the world know how well I won the lottery! Yay me!
To the rest of the world:
Welcome to The 52 Love Songs Project. This is part of my (Jonathan Sherman's) personal mission with my wife as well as my professional mission with my client couples of Valentine's All Year™.
The Valentine's All Year™ Project is just an online aspect of the ongoing love affair of a real marriage and family therapist, me, who tries to practice what he preaches with the woman he loves. Valentine's All Year™ is a simple concept—maintain and enhance your relationship regularly and consistently throughout the year instead of reserving such love and attention for a few "special" moments here and there. Why ration out love when we can flood our loved ones in it? Duh.
Simple as that concept is, though, it is usually the simple and obvious that is too often missed and neglected in relationships.
Besides this being a romantic project to my wife, it is also instructive. Many men and women have told me they want The GREAT Relationship, but quite frankly don't know what it looks like in real life. Maybe, they didn't grow up with it modeled to them. Maybe they started strongly in love but didn't know how to navigate the real ups and downs of a real marriage. Thus, as social creatures who learn through "monkey see, monkey do" we simply need models to learn from. So I present this publicly as a model.
Ours is not THE model. Ours is simply one of many [see The GREAT Relationship Masters blog for more examples]. Ours is a simple and attainable example of a "GREAT Relationship" which is what my work with my clients (and in my own life) is all about. Well, Kara's and mine is just one example of many. I don't put this blog up to say that anyone's relationship should be like ours. It shouldn't. It should be like yours! However, there are some universal aspects that may be gleaned from this one very specific approach to creating a truly GREAT relationship. I hope you find them helpful.
It is with true love as it is with ghosts;
everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.
everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.
—La Rochefoucauld
Well, let's solve that. So, as I said, many of my clients have asked, "What exactly does a "GREAT Relationship" look like?" I talk about creating a GREAT Relationship all the time with my clients and audiences. However, one client explained to me, "Okay, Jonathan, I'm bought in. I believe in the importance of creating a great relationship with my wife, but to tell you the truth I don't know what one actually looks like. They seem rare and I certainly didn't see it between my folks in their marriage. What does it really look like in a real, everyday practical way?" Great point. So I'm posting this weekly blog as just one example of one aspect of what one great relationship looks like: My wife's and mine.
What else is there?
I wrote an article called "Valentine's All Year" and did a workshop by the same title. I believe it's a crucial concept as too often "wooing" and courting fads quickly in the marriage relationship as all the day-to-day necessities slowly take over the life-blood of the relationship.
Why music?
For years I've been selecting music for each anniversary to celebrate another year and for my wife to be able to listen to in the car while she's out and about just to have that little reminder of "us" while we are apart. This music has been very helpful for me when I've been upset with her to "re-calibrate" my mind and mood to what really matters: Us vs. The Problem du Jour.
About song selection: I'm not too interested in the the everyday love song that just touts romance and the emotion of love. I'm more interested in the love song that portrays commitment, decision. Love that is behavior-based and choice driven. Love that generates emotion rather than is just driven by emotion.
Not any love song makes this list. Too many love songs are merely lust songs or just feeling-based songs of strong (and transitory) emotions. The songs here represent behavior-based, choice-based and committed-love songs. Love based on commitment, choice, behaviors, actions, and decisions. Feelings and romance ARE great, but feelings come and go. Choice and commitment with the honorable are lasting and get us through when the feelings aren't there to drive our good behavior.
Post format:
Each song will contain a video and/or audio track of the song, full lyrics, a personal note to his beloved wife, bestest of friends, and hip chick (all rolled into one!) and some professional commentary (when warranted). As I've been preparing the selections I quickly realized that this will likely need to continue into another year at least.
Won't you please share your favorite love songs and why you love your baby? The world needs to hear it.
I not only wish you peace, I challenge you to create your happiness through loving action today!
Peace,
